Dear Spiders,

I realize we are in spider season in the PNW.

As per our Spider/Human Treaty of 1997, you are allowed as many spiders as you wish outside of the house, as long as you do not web my face.

However, you are limited to one spider, no larger than a dime, inside the house. I have now seen five spiders, and they were really big, in the house.

Please retreat to the treaty boundaries and quantities, or risk summary eviction.

--Jenn