when i work, i do a lot of self-narration in my head as a kind of parallel thought process, as if i were explaining things to someone else, partially as a way to explain myself to myself.

sometimes my explanations are bullshit, and i know that, so i'll alter the narration to explain things more clearly and try to expose the heart of my motivations. sometimes i find myself having to justify something i've done a certain way for years without really thinking about it. this helps me when i don't have any particular inspiration or drive to complete something, and i'm just trying to get it done. i pick apart my brain and find reasons where there were none, or if i can't find good reasons, i try to think of ways to do the thing differently.

anyway i'm putting together this week's DiS and asking myself--as if i were an impartial but insistent observer, as one does--why i use artwork of a specific character who pops up from time to time in the interstitials and bumpers on the show, since ostensibly there's no real thematic connection between DiS and the character, and i've never been an avowed member of the (sometimes highly toxic) fandom of the show they are from.

what i came up with is this: it started as an in-joke in 2011, but i kept Derpy around. i feel a connection to this character because i often feel like a complete moron compared to my peers and the rest of the world, and i can relate to their experience of not fitting in--not just socially, but in the paradigm of the world they exist in. but they also have a relentlessly positive attitude and a reputation as a mildly powerful reality-warper, and both are things i aspire to. i want Drive-in Saturday to be a font of positive chaotic energy for myself and those that tune in.

also, it's my show and i don't need a reason, so go fuck yourself, me.