i have done something tonight for which i can never forgive myself.

i attended a meeting of the library board because of, well, this: https://www.kmov.com/2023/05/27/st-charles-co-public-libraries-decline-change-policy-after-controversy-over-male-employee-dressing-female/ this has blown up huge. the person making the accusation made an announcement she was going to show up at the board meeting tonight and rallied her KKKaren followers. this being a red town in a red state, i was expecting a low turnout from our side--it was about 60/40. and the opportunity was given for all concerned to have three minutes' time for public comment.

for every loathsome, hateful, bileful, ignorant, slur-filled tirades i had to sit through from the anti-trans brigade, there were equally many meek, mealy-mouthed messages of how lovely the library is and how much the people here love it and why can't we all get along from the boomer libs in the audience. it was sickening.

i had written a message for the library board. but in a moment of doubt i chose not to submit a comment form, deciding to stand and hold a sign instead.

i could have had that crowd riled up. i could have had them out of their seats and ready to fucking ROCK. i could have made the chistofascists squirm. i could have called out that fucking busybody for what her bullshit is--a nakedly brazen attempt to wedge herself into the library system and start banning, then burning books--but i didn't. i let down my end, and i let myself down.

never again will i rob myself of the opportunity to speak out when it's given. i don't care if it makes me look like a lunatic or a radical or a criminal. i am so angry with myself tonight for squandering this chance, i swear it's a mistake i will not make twice.

because Judgment Day's not coming soon enough.