current enjobulation status:

* in holding pattern for swanky job for which i have been interviewed four times (fucking FOUR!!!111!) decision-makers are on holiday until next week, feels like close to a sure thing but having to drag out the wait like this is excruciating

* possibly ghosted by super-cool IT job in academia; i may not have been 100% qualified but i know i aced the interview and i was kinda hoping this one would come through because i think it'd be more fun than the first job

* on deck for panel interview (#3 for fuck's sake) for Job I Don't Really Want because it's tech support, BUT there's a clear escalation path to eventually working in Cybersecurity there, so i might have to bite my tongue and play the long game

* flamed out of interview for other academic IT job since it would primarily be for Macs and i have a primarily Wintel background. i hate hearing "i don't want to waste your time" a few minutes in to one of these things because there's no way to pull out of the skid and you might as well close the laptop and go back to bed at that point

* recruiter contacted me for possible admin position with Evil Baby-Killing Military Death Merchants but it would only be 6 months and i'd get a Secret Clearance level out of it, which is the keys to the fuckin' kingdom where security jobs are concerned. my conscience is making its case known. i just don't fucking know anymore

sick of the grind. feeling socially withdrawn and tired all the time. no good news to bring to the table for thanksgiving. tired of constant gnawing anxiety even when i'm feeling okay.