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I feel like I've stumbled into a Paddington sequel

Don't be mad at UPS workers for suddenly making a fuckton more money than you. Be mad at your employer for not paying YOU that much.

If you want what they now have, JOIN A FUCKING UNION. Expect more of the people who make money off of your work.

it's cute when websites think I would turn off my ad blocker rather than just leaving the page

It’s ok alcohol calories

I can be pretty empty too

HR: You’re going to need to temper your enthusiasm.

Me: My last review you said you wanted more exuberance?

HR: ...but yelling “Fuck Yeah!” every time they announce there is cake in the break room isn’t what we had in mind.

My husband came home without eggs from the farm he's been buying them from because he noticed they put out a "Proud Republicans" sign.

Remember when you never knew how people voted? I do.

The library wants me to return a book I checked out on conquering procrastination. I feel they had fair notice it would be late.

Idea: Super-entity named "Headmaster" that operates out of a school

You would think that they run the place, but actually their power is having complete control over the physical properties and chemical composition of their head

Achievement Unlocked: strangers perceive you as a woman!

Achievement Unlocked: women treat you like one of the girls!

Achievement Unlocked: you now get attention from straight men...

A̶c̵h̸i̴e̸v̵e̵m̶e̷n̴t̶ ̶U̸n̴l̷o̷c̶k̶e̷d̸: straight men now look at you with hungry, vacant eyes

Ā̶̢̺̯̥̼̗̐͘ç̷̙̞̟̈́̍h̴̠͇̪̄i̵͎̮̽͗̌ę̴̳̣͈̃͗̌̄v̵̬͠ẻ̵͕͍̒͆ṃ̷̻̮̩̹͎̈͠e̸̱̺̟̝͓̓̄͜n̶̛͈͒̓͂t̴̡̰͔̣͌̈́ͅ ̷̡̤̫̐̽̏̇͝͝Ǘ̵̡̝͓̻͌n̵̝̼͎͙͊̀̈́͛͋̏l̵̢̲͓̐o̵͔̮͚̣͉̚c̸̱̪̯̯͌̊k̶̫̘̪̭̘̈́́̍̽̕e̴̢̗̹͉̮̊̓̑͗͂d̶͕̝̱̟̊̈́: obviously unsafe straight men now hit on you at the gas station

Ả̶̭̻̜͙̩̜͎̰͍̺͂͂̂̓̔̈́̿͒̽̈́̍̾͜ç̷̡̗̞̘͖̣̩̘͗͂h̷̢̺̣͉̬̟͑͆̓̀͆͐̈́͐̋̚i̸̲̖̻̫͋̈͋̎̚e̸̫̮͎͎͐̀͌͘̕͠v̵̨͈̜̮͈̞̦͗̋̈͝͠͝e̷͙̒̅̈̈́m̸͇̗͐̄́̽e̷̲̭̪͍̻̼̣̊̑̊̐͊̌͆͑͘̚͠͝ņ̶̧̞̫̝̯̻̣͔̗͈̔́̽͒̀̽́̂̏t̵̢̹͎̯͖͔̥̓̋̋̄́̊̂̀̚͝ ̶̛̞̫̣̱̄̿̏̃̅̐̉̋̚͘͝ͅU̵̡̧̨̲̰̗̥̣͉͐̒̽̚͠n̶̫̦̱̽͋̆̓l̶̡̧͖̭̰̹̯̣͎͚͇͋̌͑̈́͜ǫ̸̼̦͉̞̫́͑̀͂̇̾̏̿̑̚̚͝͝c̶̢̢͎̗̳̹̮̩̯͎̹̪͂k̷̥͖͐̉̄͊́̏̈́̅̄̿ĕ̵̛͇̼̯͎d̴̫͉̎͗͗͂ ̷̦̬̲̦́̂̈́́̾̽̿̓͊͜͝: you can't even buy a coffee without a man talking to you

I wonder if I could make that Gochujang Chicken Burger. Frying the chicken isn't a problem, it's finguring out how to make the Gochujang glaze myself....

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