zx3 @zx3@driveinsaturday.org

if i was writing (co-writing) Metatokyo 2058 / Metatokyo 2061: The Long Shadows Of Destiny today, i'd probably be angling to sell the property to a Chinese mobile dev and make it into one 'a them Genshin Impacts.

i still say that a partially-finished, round-robin, genre-blending, anime-inspired epic that i helped write on a now-shuttered private forum twenty years ago somehow reshaped the future of popular culture through psychic osmosis, otherwise HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS

https://youtu.be/PNrbMKZs6nY?si=EXn3rgD8-DbsCdbR

(YOU CAN'T)

[me, every morning] "okay, i have this timed out exactly. i'm showered, i'm dressed, i've budgeted five minutes to take my meds, find my keys and out the door, seven minutes on the clock, should leave in plenty of time. just need to put my socks and shoes on."

*sits down on edge of bed*

[brain] "NOW ENTERING 'CONTEMPLATE OWN EXISTENCE FOR AN UNDETERMINED LENGTH OF TIME' MODE"

*twenty minutes later* "...fuck"

i was alive when the promise of tomorrow was enough.

i have not forgotten.

i reject the false future of demagogues, oligarchs, fascists and techbros.

i choose the Infinite Arcade.

it awaits us.

https://youtu.be/zdIc3CHvmzo?si=hieqO6NLVFecKx5h

welp that's the other shoe...literally. swanky!job has officially turned me down. i'm not shocked, just disappointed. i was looking forward to the possibility of having to weigh pros and cons of both places and make a choice that was going to benefit me. it would have been nice.

on the other hand, i know me, and getting a cushy, high-paying job in a very high-rent area of the city doing something i'm juuuuuust barely qualified to do would probably set off my impostor syndrome pretty bad and made me even more paranoid and insular, always afraid of upsetting someone or becoming a target of scrutiny. the place where i'm working now, it seems a little more grounded, a bit more in my league. or maybe this is what i'm telling myself.

either way, i am doing my best to internalize the Picard Maxim: it is possible to make no mistakes, and still lose. That is not weakness, that is life. And keep your jumpsuit tugged down at the waist, for fuck's sake, nobody wants to see it all bunched up around your ears.

have successfully exploded the coffeemaker at the new job.

in my defense, it were lookin' at me funny.

having never received the expected callback from swanky!job, i will tomorrow enter into employment with my third choice.

IT staffing can be such a mixed bag at L1, and i feel a sense of dread knowing i'll have to find a way to wedge myself into this place, culturally speaking. in my experience, jobs of this kind attract dull white guys with delusions of mediocrity--i can camouflage myself pretty well as somebody like that, but it's not a fun environment to spend five days a week in. and there's a chance i might be the oldest guy there, which is gonna suck; i don't mind taking direction from a younger colleague who's further up the ladder as long as they know their stuff. it just complicates the dynamic.

i know this is selfish thinking, but i'm hoping beyond hope that at least a couple of my coworkers are going to be either passionately nerdy, visibly queer, or a combination thereof. otherwise it's going to be conversations about frisbee golf and lunch meetings at Buffalo Wild Wings and Docker khakis as far as the eye can see.

"amogus" huh......more like....emo goose

#isthisanything

this attempt to bootstrap an emotional wavelength that will help me feel anything worth a damn is brought to you by Tegan and Sara's "Heartthrob."

"okay, THIS is the week i finally get that callback."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sICy5oSHHzA

#yoiksandaway

KISSINGER'S DEAD!!!

naturally, today's the day i finally drop my cell phone face down and end up with a nice gouge on the right hand side of the screen. that's more in line with what i was expecting from the universe today.

was offered a job. accepted. starting in a week and a half.

kind of stunned at the moment, but i don't know if that's the < 3 hours of sleep i got last night nibbling at the caffiene wards i cast against it, or the "holy shit, whaddo i do now" feeling which has arrived in the spot i had reserved for Mildy Euphoric Relief.

it's not the job i wanted, and it's paying way less than my last gig, but it's what i know, and there's room to move up and do actual Cybersecurity stuff if i am a good robot and don't disintegrate the users.

and the job i was hoping for just let me know i'm still in the running, so i have some buffer time if they decide to hire me.

i will attempt to process this by doing laundry.