zx3 @zx3@driveinsaturday.org

right about now, if a shift as winter caretaker for the Overlook hotel opened up as an unpaid internship with nothing but the promise of a reference letter come April, i'd already be in the car.

#diesirae
#youvealwaysbeenhere

it's October. summer's corpse has just begun to turn.

Went to Cahokia Mounds Historic Site today and climbed Monks' Mound. pictured is St. Louis, and i also got a good view of the smokestacks of Alton IL, where my father's family first lived when they arrived in the States. somewhere in the tractless wastes between is where i live, and to the left of that somewhere is the Weldon Springs site--two earthen monuments separated by a short distance, vastly different in composition and intent.

i meditated briefly at the top and thought about place and permanence, how the indigenous people would have thought about time before the arrival of European colonists, about how they might have seen the universe in permanent cycles with change being an occasional anomaly; their world ensconced in an egg of eternity. i'm probably wrong about that. all i have are quasi-educated guesses.

looking out at the city in the distance, it occurred to me that this would be a great place to be to watch the nukes rain down. i'd have, what, three seconds of watching the bulidings crumble into ash and the Arch twisted up like a paperclip until the blast wave hit? what an amazing three seconds that would be...of course, knowing me, i'd be looking at my phone trying to pull up the "Koyannisqatsi" soundtrack, unable to remember if VLC sorted Philip Glass under "P" or "G" and i'd miss the whole thing. fwoosh.

and now your Sunday Night Song:

https://youtu.be/RtJ_3_y3KQ0?si=Otxfkj-6-sNBElF0

#knower

Exact Audio Copy feels like it should come with a .FLAC of the members of Steely Dan talking shit about your music collection

dear software makers: if you're expecting a more helpful answer out of me for the question "how will you use our product" than "i will make dope shit" i hope you like continued disappointment

i have had an extremely stressful day. my head reverberates with the rageful sussurus of a hornet's nest and my body aches like an empty factory. i have consumed painkillers and Relax-O-Drugz™ and will spend the next few hours bemoaning the fact that The World Was Ever Thus.

if you love me, send me pictures of Raquel Welch or Optimus Prime for to soothe my tortured optics.

i can't believe this song has never made its way onto an official Pokemon soundtrack.

https://youtu.be/6N4a7RX5x7E?si=wKEkQdgfsq1bSMZU

i suck at art.

i blame my poor fine motor control, which also makes my handwriting like unto an illegible mass of alien hieroglyphics. i also blame the fact that i seem to lack a sense of aesthetics on a creative level, a kind of internal feng shui that says THIS shape and THIS color look good in THIS lighting and as a result my living space is cluttered, dark, chaotic, lacking both form and function.

anybody with any artistic sense or experience, having seen something i've produced, could recognize one of my other art projects a mile away; my unique terribleness is as distinct a fingerprint as the brushstrokes of a genuine Matisse. i see things i've made or painted and see every poor decision, lack of planning or precision or expertise reflected in the final product.

but i keep doing it. because i like doing it.

the act of creating art, low or high, skilled or amateur, is theraputic, and that is a value that cannot be replicated by AI.

FINALLY. Zeno's Computer Desk has been completed.

now i just need to move it off the flooring, adjust the flooring, put it back in the right spot so that the flooring stays put, get my new PC's cabling cleaned up and case back on, move everything onto the new desk and set up, determine which of my secondary systems are going to have room, figure out where the VCR is gonna go, get all my backups back online, get the old PC''s SSD set up for additional storage, reassemble the PC case, install all the software i need, paint the ceiling vent cover, figure out how to improve the lighting setup, start thinking about shelving and...

crap.

i haven't been thinking clearly lately.

not saying things are improving. just taking notice of the obvious.

got a head full of ghosts tonight. fitting, i suppose.

#STL Tower Grove Pride was pretty awesome.

i tabled for the DSA for a few hours and had a great time. for one thing, people were actually engaged and interested in what we had to say, and none of it felt like a hard sell; i had some interesting conversations with folks who were on different levels of engagement and very few shied away.

for the other, everybody was in a *good mood* and genuinely happy to be there in the sunshine in a safe environment, being themselves, wearing whatever, feeling welcomed, just...vibing. i don't think i've ever experienced anything like that before, on this kind of scale.

in any crowd, i always have my head on a swivel unless i feel generally at ease. today was no exception, i kept watch for people who stood out, but not for the sake of standing out--people dressed "normal" or visibly trying to blend in while looking nervous or frightened or angry. i was expecting shit-disturbers, and while i'm sure there were some (a comrade found a guy handing out Chick tracts), the worst i witnessed were some perplexed and bored-looking dads. everywhere else i looked were people experiencing joy and community with no filters or worries or social shields up, and i nearly cried thinking about it on the drive home. *i want this,* for everybody, forever.

the only really negative thing--and it was a source of hilarity for my group--was the presence of a Libertarian Party tent a few spaces down from us. i was tempted to march down there and go all Niedermeyer on 'em. "WHAAAAT THE HELL IS THAT? IS THAT A RAINBOW GADSDEN FLAAAAG???? IN YOUR PRIDE TENT????? WHAAAAAT DO YOU WANNA DO WITH YOUR LIIIIIFE?" (libertarians are unable to answer "I wanna rock" because they all think they should be the lead singer and nobody wants to play bass.)

heeeeey kiiiiiids, it's time once again fooooooor

(kids yell) "UNKIE ROBOT'S PLAYHOUSE" (wacky music intro)

that's right kids! ya know, ol' unkie robot's been very very productive today! he's gotten a lot accomplished and knocked a handful of items off his to-do list! and you know what THAT means! that means tomorrow my energy levels will be?

(kids yell) "ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC"

THAT'S RIGHT! and how will that make unkie robot feel?

(kids yell) "COMPLETELY USELESS"

righty-o again kids! and why is that? becaaaaaause...

(drumroll)

(kids yell) "YOU'RE NOT A GOOD PERSON"

THAT'S RIIIIIIGHT!

(wacky clown music, confetti, sparklers, CHUNG CHUNG CHUNG CHUNG CLACK CLACK CHUNG CHUNG CHUNG SPLUT)

i am REAL goddamned fucking tired.