Jenn Dolari @dolari@driveinsaturday.org

While 2023 has been a complete nightmare, I have the feeling 2024 is going to be a Big Year of Change.

Kinda scary change, but change....

Oh, man, fifteen seconds in the microwave and those cinnamon rolls are soooo goooooooooooood....

Got a lot done today. Decluttered the house, cooked all my meals for the week, washed and put up laundry, got a run of dishes going in the dishwasher, did some job hunting. It was a lot.

But I don't feel accomplished. No "good, work, Jenn!" Instead, I'm kinda sad, and I don't know why. I'm asking myself, "Jenn, why do you feel bad when you did a lot today?" and I can't get a good answer. Sometimes it feels like "None of these chores matters." Sometimes it feels like "Now I have nothing to do next."

Two more hours before bed - trying to ignore the sad....

This Week's Fancy Pants Meal: Beef and Cucumber Stir-Fry

The original recipe didn't season the meat, which left it as tasting kind of bland until I salted it myself, so I added a step for salting the meal. Otherwise, I really like this. I'm a sucker for cooked-but-crisp veggies. The prep takes a while, but the cooking part is fairly quick.

# Beef and Cucumber Stir-Fry
Help! My Apartment has a Kitchen

0.75 pounds sirloin steak
2.0 tbsp honey
2.0 tbsp soy sauce
0.25 tsp chili powder
1.0 whole cucumber
1.0 whole red bell pepper
4.0 whole scallions
3.0 cloves garlic
2.0 tbsp vegetable oil
salt (to taste)
pepper (to taste)

1 - Slice the beef into strips 1/4 inch wide and 3 inches long, trimming away all the fat.
2 - Put in a bowl and mix with honey, soy sauce and chili powder. Set aside while preparing the vegetables.
3 - Peel the cucumber and slice lengthwise.
4 - Scrape out and discard the seeds.
5 - Cut into strips 1/4 inch wide and 2 inches long.
6 - Wash the red bell pepper and cut it in half.
7 - Remove and discard the stem and seeds.
8 - Slice the pepper into strips 1/4 inch wide and 2 inches long.
9 - Was the scallions.
10 - Cut off the root tips and top 2 inches of the green ends and discard them.
11 - Cut the remaining white and green parts into 1/4 inch pieces.
12 - Peel and finely chop the garlic. Set the vegetables aside.
13 - Heat half the oil in a wok or frying pan over high heat.
14 - Remove the steak strips from the bowl, keeping any remaining liquid (marinade) in the bowl, and add the steak to the wok.
15 - Stir fry for 1 minute; that is, stir continually with a large spoon or spatula so that the contents of the wok cook quickly on all sides.
16 - When the meat is no longer pink, return it to the bowl containing the marinade.
17 - Wipe out the wok so that any remaining honey doesn’t burn.
18 - Heat the remaining oil in the wok over high heat and stir-fry the cucumber, red bell pepper, scallions and garlic for about 2 minutes, or until the vegetables just begin to soften. They should stay fairly crisp.
19 - Quickly return the steak and any remaining marinade to the wok
20 - Season with salt and pepper to taste.
21 - Heat for 1 minute, or just until the steak gets hot and the liquid boils.

#thisweeksmeals #cooking

It's funny how different things are.

When I was younger, and just transitioning, I was terrified of going out. I made quick trips, left early, stayed in. Often because I knew there would be trouble if I stayed in one place too long. People would stare, laugh, call me out. Occasionally threats.

Thirty years later, I am in my element. Walking through town in my outfits, not worried about how I looked, how I was walking, how I way moving. Just BEING. Not worrying about wether my voice would make people laugh, if my moving too quickly or stiffly would get someone's unwanted attention.

Sure, this is a more tolerant environment than Texas, or even Pennsylvania. But I'm not worried that I wasn't emulating being a woman correctly anymore. I simply am one. I always was. I just needed the space to realize that and an environment that didn't constantly make me question it.

That's a wonderful feeling.

LB: This was another thing that really happened to me. My mother kept my hairr short, because my hair became frizzy curly and looked too feminine.

Once I moved out and transitioned, let my hair grow long, and it began to make sausage curls, she threatened to cut it all off again if she saw me with long hair.

As soon as she saw the sausage curls, she immediately regretted ever keeping my hair long, and now I trust her to take care of my hair.