zx3 @zx3@driveinsaturday.org

finally, after hours of back-breaking labor, the tree is up...i'm going back to bed

also, BwanaDevil's doing free prints this week of Wednesday Addams in the "Burn Your Village To The Ground" scene, if you're interested.

www.bwanadevilart.bigcartel.com

i love getting recruitment emails for jobs i've already tried to get and failed somewhere in the process.

"Company (X) may want to hire you!" mister email, i can assure you that they have stated otherwise in no uncertain terms.

a yearly tradition. please boost.

https://youtu.be/qnGnj_e6gBw?si=N570AKpJgXY_BL-H

so i'm late to the 100gecs bus--full disclosure, they're part of a musical movement that, logically, should instantly kill people my age and wither our bones into mummy dust, so i guess being aware of them at all means i must be accruing Zoomer points in the Algorhythm (trade 'em in at ZoomCo for hoverboards and a Tiktok Haircut!)--but i misheard one of their lyrics and i think my version's better.

in "Stupid Horse," Laura Les sings "stupid horse / i just fell out the Porsche / lost the money in my bank account" but i heard the middle part as "i just got an aborsh" which, and correct me if i'm wrong here, is both a fantastic way of abbreviating "abortion" and also cheekily on-brand for gecs. "can't go bowling tuesday, i gotta aborsh."

current enjobulation status:

* in holding pattern for swanky job for which i have been interviewed four times (fucking FOUR!!!111!) decision-makers are on holiday until next week, feels like close to a sure thing but having to drag out the wait like this is excruciating

* possibly ghosted by super-cool IT job in academia; i may not have been 100% qualified but i know i aced the interview and i was kinda hoping this one would come through because i think it'd be more fun than the first job

* on deck for panel interview (#3 for fuck's sake) for Job I Don't Really Want because it's tech support, BUT there's a clear escalation path to eventually working in Cybersecurity there, so i might have to bite my tongue and play the long game

* flamed out of interview for other academic IT job since it would primarily be for Macs and i have a primarily Wintel background. i hate hearing "i don't want to waste your time" a few minutes in to one of these things because there's no way to pull out of the skid and you might as well close the laptop and go back to bed at that point

* recruiter contacted me for possible admin position with Evil Baby-Killing Military Death Merchants but it would only be 6 months and i'd get a Secret Clearance level out of it, which is the keys to the fuckin' kingdom where security jobs are concerned. my conscience is making its case known. i just don't fucking know anymore

sick of the grind. feeling socially withdrawn and tired all the time. no good news to bring to the table for thanksgiving. tired of constant gnawing anxiety even when i'm feeling okay.

it's a this kind of day

https://youtu.be/7GdsftXc0yU?si=V2Vlmr_5MUT6zz_l

[thought process]

"well, i can't do that. that would be a lie."

"everything is a lie. the human world is encrusted by a miles-thick crystalline lattice of artifice and false emotion. you can not dig yourself out, nor can you reduce its volume by living with honesty; you are part of the lie in the same way that a single blade of grass is part of the forest."

"...so you're saying i *do* deserve another peanut butter cup."

attempting bell peppers and beef. standby.